I am a very quick writer, the type of person who can knock out 3,000 words in one sitting and then spend two or three days editing what I've written. But ever since the horrible Viva experience I have been almost afraid to write anything. Again, typically I am not the kind of person that gets unnerved easily but I am definitely struggling at this point in time!
Shakespeare said that "things done well and with a care, exempt themselves from fear", so that is my main hope at the moment. That the planning and re-writing will all magically fall into place at some stage soon and all will be well. In the midst of this writing, I've also booked my trip to Smith College which is exciting, but I cannot allow myself to enjoy the thought of going to Smith until I have this chapter completed and more importantly, passed. I miss Sylvia - what I'm writing at the moment is the hypothesis by which I will interpret her work. I haven't looked at her poems in days. Since when did English Literature become more about theories and secondary readings, rather than the actual texts?
So, please keep your fingers crossed that I can hang onto whatever small amount of motivation I currently have. I've bascially decamped to Belfast to use the McClay library at Queen's. It's a good library but more importantly it's very quiet (so no-one can hear my screams!). Literally the only treat ahead for me will be going to see Prince live next weekend in Dublin. My best friend is a huge fan of The Purple One and we're going to spray our hair purple, wear glittery leotards and load up on Starfish and Coffee! It's going to be a brilliant night and a welcome distraction from my current headspace.
I'll check back in again soon with more updates on how I'm getting on. Hopefully things will be much brighter in a fortnight or so. It will be good to get back to poetry and Sylvia, after the swampy waters of theory! :)